Carrie B. Bergener, MHA, RN
Recognizing, admitting or telling someone, are all parts of the journey in leaving and healing from domestic violence. These realizations or actions may not be when the healing begins. The dead-heart, brain fog and symptomatic body responses to stress of a racing heart, high blood pressure and fast breathing may last beyond a traumatic situation and getting to physical safety. They may, in fact, be long term symptoms of trauma and PTSD. Whatever actions got you to a safe place, whoever supported you in that decision or wherever you have landed is without a doubt the right choice and perhaps the first step in recovery. But there is more.
Recognizing that you are in an abusive situation is not as easy as it sounds. If one spent a childhood entrenched in and surrounded by abusive behavior, the behavior itself can feel ordinary – if not normal. But that small still voice within you or that gut feeling will eventually be heard. Recognizing abuse can also mean suddenly knowing your family of origin, immediate and extended, have long standing dynamics that are aggressive and perhaps violent. This realization, when never before considered, can be shocking on several levels. Taking this recognition to a level of telling someone and/or leaving can also be a journey fraught with possible threats and many emotions including loneliness, doubt and fear.
In addition to recognizing and telling someone about the abuse, the journey to recovery must consider what happens in the body and mind from traumatic episodes and the resulting PTSD. In the moment of a traumatic event the Acute Stress Response of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn results in an elevated heart and respiratory rate and blood pressure changes. The actions you may take are reactions of the Acute Stress Response Syndrome and can range from rage, running away, shutting down and attempts to please. This response is equally activated by a memory, or situation that evokes a memory, such as a smell, sound or emotional situation. The fact a memory evokes the same bodily responses as the actual event is a fraction of understanding PTSD. Repeated abuse or PTSD episodes leads to more body stress and can result in different mental health problems, for example dead-heart and brain fog. Respectively also known as emotional shutdown and displacement.
Recovery is rarely as simple as leaving the abuser. Your safe place or safe person are also recovery steps and parts of the recovery journey. Recognizing the mind and body responses and learning to breathe, calm yourself and think are learned tools along the recovery progression. Knowing your options, where to access support and how to take the first step can be important pieces of a start and stop process and a fragmented journey. Each step is worth taking.
PeaceWorks Inc. Newsletter, August 1, 2025
